Ballad of Salad
by metelhede33
Summary: The Best Salad Ever Made... Never Underestimate the SALAD
1. Salad Intro Song

The Ballad of **Sala** d

 _When I first arrived at the salad bar._

 _Quentin Tarantino threw me a jar._

 _Talking to him… It was a good time._

 _I wondered if it was a near Victimless Crime._

 _When my father entered, I feared for my life._

 _I am the equivilent to his spiked loosestrife knife._

 _I couldn't believe that it was time to go!_

 _Just before I went there was a hammer throw._

 _Was it Joe?_

 _Oh no!_

 _Salad is good_

 _Before I questioned, I was unstressed._

 _Where the buffalo rest._

 _When he relived the moment,_

 _And then it was over, like a quick bestowment._

 _Where the child slept:_

 _I ran in to intercept._

 _What is a salad?_

 _I don't know, just listen to this salad ballad._

 _Before I answer prepare your questions to be valid._

$1,000.0000

$250.0000

$1,015.1093

$765.1093

$765.1093

$250.0000

$776.6695

$526.6695

$526.6695

$250.0000

$534.6271

$284.6271

$284.6271

$250.0000

$288.9276

$38.9276

$38.9276

$250.0000

$39.5158

-$210.4842

-$210.4842

$250.0000

-$213.6645

-$463.6645

 _That spreadsheet blanketed the sky, like the blood of a prisoner of the scholar._

 _I began to abjure._

 _This day reminded me of when I was a little baby in October._

 _He sobbed on my shoulder,_

 _Like a soldier of solder running out with a motor._

 _This reminded me of the cold summer days._

 _I was awake. Ready to paraphrase._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to myself._

 _I learned prose in the academy of the continental shelf._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to myself._

 _I liked the movie starring Will Ferrel,_ _ **Elf**_ _._

 _I forgot where I live._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to myself._

 _Before I continue I must assert oneself._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to myself._

 _Help, I am lost inside._

 _Take me away to the countryside._

 _There is no escape from this eternal torment._

 _Something like_ _breaches_ _of_ ' _trust with fraudulent intent_ _._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to myself._

 _It was the first day of my life when I was born, but this was not reality._

 _This salad should be the champion of the spelling bee._

 _If I was not the real father, who was?_

 _Santa Claus._

 _How can I feed the animals if there are none left?_

 _Feel free to feel like a cleft._

 _Global warming causes depression._

 _It's almost like we're filled with a constant facial expression._

 _Salad is the primary ingredient of a good cake._

 _Sting the Rattlesnake_ _. Rattlesnake._ _Rattlesnake._ _Rattlesnake._ _Rattlesnake._ _Rattlesnake. ._

 _I do not know how to ride a bike._

 _These rhymes are so tight it might be considered unsportsmanlike._

 _What makes cars go so fast?_

 _Driving down the road with the new station's rebroadcast._

 _How do I feel on most days? I don't know._

 _My life is the constant equivalent to a sloppy joe._

 _What is paper made out of?_

 _Catch this ball made out of a baseball glove._

 _Do I know algebra?_

 _No, but I do know of this one city called Canada._

 _How do I cook spaghetti?_

 _Petty Yetis seem sweaty to the ready rosetti confetti of Betty's good yeti jetty._

 _First, boil the water at 200 degrees Kelvin._

 _Next, insert the spaghetti to the salad, like Melvin._

 _I'm afraid of myself._

 _I wonder Who I Am, ourself._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to myself._

 _Flee before you trouble yourself._

 _Hello?_

 _Hey._

 _How are you doing?_

 _I'm doing good man._

 _How about you?_

 _I'm well._

 _So, what's up?_

 _Not much._

 _Wanna go to the movies later?_

 _I hear that Captain Strong is in theatres._

 _Oh, I don't really want to see that one._

 _Okay._

 _Well, talk to you later._

 _See you, man._

 _Like a broken record, those guys have no attention span, creating no master plan._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to myself._

 _Captured me, needing to prove myself._

 _This is my mother's favorite story, I thought to the door._

 _Leave before you hit the floor._


	2. Salad Part 1

**Introduction to Salads**

Hello internet, welcome to salad theory. Today we will be delving into a salad like a majestic eagle never abandoning his king. Salad is a very important dietary source of food, and salad must be consumed like a proper meal salad.

If I was a salad, I would fear for my life, because I would know that everyone wanted nothing more than to consume my flesh, and that would result in my death. However, I am not a salad, so I do not have to do this. Also, salads are not alive so they don't do this. Eat a salad.

First, grab the lettuce and chop it up, salad style. Then you must grab any other ingredients. Those ingredients could be, cheese, bacon, kale, salad, cheese, salad, bacon, macaroni, pasta, ingredient, and food. Make sure you don't forget the epic salad dressings, such as, salad, ranch, creamy caesar, food, cheese, bacon, salad, and food. You will need music to accompany your salad, I suggest the band Dan. I couldn't really remember what is full name was, but it had Dan in it so i think that should be good enough, I also think he likes salad because one time I went to his concert and gave him a salad recipe book and he gave me a Flying V Gibson guitar, which I threw in the trash because it's not a salad.

 **What is a Salad?**

Salads are a sea crustacean that delves under the crust of the earth and salad ocean. Most people dont know of the salad ocean, but trust me if you fly to Jamaica it's there. Jamaica also has salad. Salad lives deep. Food and salad go to gather greatly acquainted salad. Jamaica is a common tourist location.

 **Why is there a Salad Ocean ? ? ? ? ? ?**

You see, salads don't like living near Homo sapiens. Which is another word for 'salad consumer,' see, salads are very scared of being eaten. Even though I said previously salads weren't alive, well they are. Not! What is an ocean? Salad.

Salad is a good treat for your children, especially on the holiday. Any other day really doesn't have the same Salad Punch. You must follow the salad equation, which is

Salt / Salad - Salad + 2ab / Mortgage - Equity + the Quotient of Salad.

Salt is 3

Salad is 2

A is negative.

B is a number.

Equity means nothing.

And Salad doesn't live. (in the ocean)

 **Well Now I know what salad is, what the salad ocean is, but what's a salad?**

Salad's tasty, and tangy, and flavorful, and **bowl** , and food, and cheese, and ranch, and creamy caesar salad. First, you must put the salad in the bowl. Then you must mix the salad. Do not mix the bowl.

First, mixed by salad. How the salad will try to combat you. Do not fret salad goer, as mix is salad bowl. I know, you're confused by salad, me too. Salad is an odd commodity of the first world.

 **What is the first world?**

 **Salad is a Food? Correct? Is it safe to Consume ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?**

 **Yes.** Salad. Is. Safe. To. eat. Because. I. One. Time. Ate. Salad. And. Did. Not. Get. Live.

However, salad is a good meal, despite what some claim. If I ate salad every day, My ᶫᶦᶠᵉ ʷᵒᵘᶫᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵃ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᶫᶦᶠᵉ ᵃᶰᵈ ᶦ ʷᵒᵘᶫᵈ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᶠᵘʳᵗʰᵉʳ ᵍʳᵉᵃᵗᶫʸ ᵉᶰʲᵒʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᶫᶦᶠᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵉᵃᵗᶦᶰᵍ ˢᵃᶫᵃᵈ⋅ ᴵᶠ ᴵ ᵃᵗᵉ ˢᵃᶫᵃᵈ, ᴵ ʷᵒᵘᶫᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵒᶰᵉ ʷʰᵒ ᵉᵃᵗˢ ᵐʸ ᵒʷᶰ ˢᵃᶫᵃᵈ⋅ ᴮᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ, ᵂʰᵉᶰ ʸᵒᵘ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ˢᵃᶫᵃᵈ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵉᵃᵗ ᶦᵗ⋅ ᴵᵗ ᶦˢ ˢᵃᶫᵃᵈ⋅ ᵂʰᵒ ᶦˢ ˢᵃᶫᵃᵈ﹖ ᴺᵒᵗ ᵐᵉ⋅

Cool.

 **FAQ, and Salad.**

 **Help, my bread overcooked.**

Sorry, that's not salad, but you can.

 **Help, I cooked my salad instead of my bread, and now it's on fire and cold.**

Thanks, haha, thats funny.

 **Who are you?**

Not salad,

 **Why is salad?**

Salad comes from a

 **My father has been a movie.**

What's a movie? Just kidding in.

 **See you later guys! Hope you enjoyed my essay on correctly cooking and eating a perfectly crafted and expertly made food, chase, food, salad, car, creamy caesar, creamy car, and salad.**

c

; wow


	3. Salad Boy - Interlude

This was also done with collaboration with smugglers givewhim the grade aswelelell

Salad was once a deadly warrior, but he turned into a humenn. Now he must battle for the humanity. After the war broke out, he battled the fight. And now.

Salad boy must win. . . … . . . He is not the deadly, but he is the deadliest.

. . .

He woke up, it was just a dream, and a bad dream. Like a bad dragon, he introduced himself to this dangerous would of juman. A different human species.

Suddenly a very pain broke out across his family, suddenly the pain stopped.

"Hello?!" Salad boy yell, but for the yell could not hear because the heart answer was not available to the hear after family hurt.

A cat was very ok because he is fan with salad bo. He did not yet realize his age was the ultimate weapon against his youth. He enraptured his battle and prepared to strike. Strike was deadly, so the salad boy reallyu needed to dodge out of his own slice, and harmed the, cAAT, ! This was the is was the final were because the battle of strike and of the attack. Geoffery turned around to see the spider looking at hmin. He was very not ok because rthe spider was dangerous and gewoffery did not like spider so what geoffery did was very controversial because when he was angr y with spider he was spider suddentlygeoff was the spider too so what geoff did was controfersial because the geoffery did not like spiders and spierders were dangerous to his hom eand speriders were very hardy and very vitality to his home and was very not ok . Cought cought! He cought. BEcause the cought was so hardy and vitality he cought up his sword. Cought oguth cought cohjuch cu" coughch cohco uhcu" salad boy chought.

The fiery demise of the Salad Empire was short lived, as the firwas preparing to battle swept through like a majestic eagly ,never abandoning his kia NG

However, he knew his time was short. That was why he prepared to live.


	4. Salad Part 2

**The Last Salad - Prologue**

Salad comes in many different shapes and sizes, judging on how sea crustaceans are sized, salad can usually be around 2-12 inches in width, and a few inches in height. These sizes could easily beat one of an average sea crustacean, giving salad an advantage in the Salad Ocean. Salads lived alone for a long time, until the Tuna Noodle creatures attacked. Their only goal in life was to eradicate the Salad from this planet. The salad tried to hide, but it was no match for the Tuna Noodle's path of destruction. 99.9999% of all salad dies on November 30th, 2017, but one salad survived. His name is Prince Salad Jr. III, King of Croutons and Delver of Ranch, but we will just call him 'Salade'. His goal was to kill the King of the Tuna Noodle, "Dad". His favorite dish was tuna noodle.

Salade would leave his destroyed empire at the dead of night, he knew killing the Tuna Noodle king would save the world from total destruction. If the Tuna Noodle empire would not fall, humans along with the entire planet would be consumed by the Tuna Noodle.

 **Part 1 - No Man's Salad**

Salade stood up, he was on the highest floor of the castle. He faced the window that overlooked the entire salad empire. Nothing was left. Houses and other forms of living establishments were burnt to the ground. He saw an army of Tuna Noodle approaching, holding flags to claim their newly destroyed empire.

Salade grabbed his Salad Dagger and ran out of the Salad fortress. Salade quickly jumped out the 10 story window and landed safely on the soft Salad Ocean floor. Suddenly, a Tuna Noodle Arrow flew by next to him. The salad was almost prepared for battle. Since there was no water (the salad saldertanamonioues outer force field blocked it from entering), arrows came out at maximum speed. Salade was too fast, he dodged all the arrows and ran for the only safe place, the Thousand Island Ocean. There, the ranch beings and the Thousand Island beings lived there in harmony. They would protect Salade from the deadly Tuna Noodle Empire. Or so he thought.

Salade turned around and saw the castle he once lived in. Smoke and fire were coming out of the already destroyed buildings. The Tuna Noodle Empire would stop at nothing to show their power over every other empire.

Salade didn't want to come to terms with the fact that he couldn't protect his family. He knew they were coming, but the constant flow of Tuna Spies were too smart.

He was halfway there.


End file.
